I want to love my major. Every single person around me seems to be so completely infatuated with their major that I can barely stand it. It seems like all of my decisions up until this very moment have been so pragmatic and out of utility. I became a psychology major because I understand psych and it would lead me toa lucrative career later in life. My cousin, for instance, just because a freaking Superintendent and her course of study is the one mine is currently modeled after. She’s going to make so much money it’s not even funny. She gives cars as gifts, it’s sickening. Oh, she’s 34. But she loves psych, she loves what she does.

I look at other women in my life. the Besite and the Mistress. the Bestie’s main concern is choosing a major that will make her money. She doesn’t even like what she studies. Not a single course. She changes her major the way you and I change panties. Everyday she calls me and tells me how much she detests school and can’t wait for it to be over so she can make her money. Money, money, money. That’s all that keeps her going. Then I look at the Mistress. It isn’t my place to tell you what her major is, but suffice it to say that most people look at it and their immediate reaction is, “What are you going to do with that?”

But you know what? She loves her major. Classes aren’t a chore, because it’s like they were made specifically for her. I want that.

The funny thing is I can have it. I’m absolutely in love with the Media Studies major. It’s like everything I’ve ever cared about all rolled into one pretty course of study. But it’s one of those majors where it isn’t immediately obvious the post-graduate jobs open to you.

So, I’m stuck. Do I stay with psych? Do I apply for advertising like I originally planned, hope I get in and still study something I’m not completely in love with?

Or, do I apply to switch into Media Studies, fucking love what I study, and rest a little less easy about my future?

Le sigh.

The word resolutions doesn’t sit well with me. It’s like you can resolve to take action in your life at anytime, why wait for the new year? I prefer the word promise. In all honestly, 2009 doesn’t look very promising for Mykal Bloom. My hours were cut at work, which translates into less cash. I can’t blame them, though. I wasn’t exactly reliable this past semester, the lack of sleep in my life greatly contributed to that. In addition to that, I’m taking more classes, which means more books which means more money to spend. Not to mention the increase in coursework. The Dragon Lady and I still aren’t on the best terms. the Ex hates me. the Boy … exists, therefore depressing my existence. My third job at home is pretty much gone, due to the Dragon Lady’s request I not come home. Which, yet again, means less money. Less money means more adjustments I have to make, less I can save for Japan, fewer opportunities I have in front of me. It just sucks.

But all is not lost. I firmly believe life is what you make of it. Growing up, I wasn’t given much, my family lived on a working class salary. Still does. That doesn’t mean I had a shitty childhood. Au contraire, mon fraire. I traveled, Houston, Dallas, New York City, Orlando, Mexico City, Isla Navidad. I’ve been to Washington DC. I’ve seen the world’s largest roll of yarn! Meaning, I don’t need truckloads of money to experience life. And I won’t stop my partial loss of it, stop 2009 from being amazing. So here are a few promises I’ve made to myself. Presented in absolutely no order.

See Jackie Beat live.

Drag has always been this weird fascination of mine. I’ve only seen a handful of shows, but I have been in drag –only once, for a midnight showing of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” And Jackie Beat is someone that I’ve always wanted to see, but I’ve never had the opportunity. She was previously based in NYC, and the last time I was there I was 8. Not exactly drag show age. You know? Now she’s in LA for the most part, but surprise! she’s coming to Chicago in May. I absolutely must see her.

Save at least $2,000 for Japan.

This is probably a lot easier said than done, but I would like to save at least half of my projected cost of the trip by the end of the year. It’s a substantial chunk of what I make in a year — I am only a college student, after all. But I think if I lay off the Jimmy John’s, I should be okay. At least here’s to hoping.

Be a better boyfriend.

I’ve yet to have a relationship end on anything resembling a good note. Things just always seem to fall apart at the end, in a manner that leaves both me and the other person with nothing but terrible memories. Hard to remember the good times, when you’re screaming at each other in the mall. So, I promise, that I’ll work on myself in 2009. Very rarely are people willing to admit that they aren’t perfect. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “I’m not changing for any man!” Well, I agree. No one man should have so much power over you. but this isn’t about that. This is about me, making a positive change for myself. I recognize that at times I can be incredibly petty, diva-like, and above all selfish. I like when things go my way, and I’m apt to pout when they don’t. That’s a childish behaviour about myself I would like to change. For me, and for the one’s close to me.

Reconcile friendships I’ve ended.

I used to have a friend, we’ll call her the Whore, because that was her actual nickname. the Whore and I were very much like Will & Grace, before Will or Grace was very popular. She knew I was gay before I did. It was an interesting relationship. Because, in one moment we could tear each other down with such abject cruelty, but in the next we could talk how much we needed that other person. She and I were very similar. Working class families, too smart for their own good, too fed up with petty high school drama, despite the fact that we were regularly pulled into it. We were the very best of friends until college. We came to the same school, and lived in the same building. A mere flight apart. And one day something happened that I never thought would: the Whore got a boyfriend. See, that was the joke. She was so innocent and so prudish almost, that no one would ever mistake her for a whore. So when she got a boyfriend and started acting like an actual whore, it was a cause for alarm. I didn’t know how to process that –having to share her with anyone else. I was jealous. Over a girl. Ew. And when she started to blow me off for her boyfriend, I couldn’t take it. And when she needed me, I wasn’t there. I blew her off like she had done to me. Except, instead of teaching her a lesson like some ill-planned 80′s movie, she stopped talking to me. That was over a year ago, and we still haven’t talked. That’s just one of a handful of friends I’ve lost over the years. I want to fix that. I realize that I’ve lost some truly incredible people, and I miss them.

Get into the Advertising Program.

As of this posting, I am a Psychology major. When I came into this university, I was positive that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to get my Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate all in Psychology. I was going to counsel at a high school where I would be needed. Where students needed an outlet.

Then I got here.

And I realized how much I hated Psychology, despite my knack for it. Yes, I understood the theory upon theory upon theory, but it all seemed so useless. And when faced with ten more years of the same theories and theories, I suddenly lost passion for my education. My motivation all but dried up, and I found it hard to muster the effort to get up for class. On a whim, I took a class called, “Introduction to the Media” and it changed my life. While others were struggling with the concepts of the class, I was flying through it. Nielsen ratings, box office returns, adclicks, standards and practices, these were all things I’d already read about and followed daily. And I knew, in that moment, that the Media was where my passion was. I knew it. I’d always known it, it had just never dawned on me that I could study it. How Alicia Silverstone of me. So I applied to change my major to Advertising. I was swiftly denied. I have one more opportunity this semester, and to this I promise you dear reader. I will make it in. I even have a fantastic way to celebrate, courtesy of the Mistress.

Take charge of my health.

They’ll be more on this later. Suffice it to say, I will no longer worry about being a headless fat person on the news.

See Mariah.

It’s been over two years since I’ve last my love Mariah Carey. I haven’t written much about her on this version of the blog, but know that I love Mariah. I live for Mariah. In my eyes, she can do no wrong. She is, simply put, amazing. I can’t even begin to iterate how much I adore Mariah Carey. Which is why it saddens me that it’s been so long since I’ve seen her. Whether it’s on tour, or at an event, or anything. This year, I will see her.

Go to at least three concerts.

I love concerts. I love big, loud, elaborate concerts. With the lights, dancers, lasers, fireworks. I love it. LOVE IT! Mariah shoots butterfly confetti out of cannons at the end of her shows. It’s ridiculous, yet why I love concerts. I know I’ll be seeing Britney in April, but other than that, I have nothing else planned for this year. It would be amazing to see the Ting Tings. I love them so much. And would you look at that? They’ll be here in April. One more slot open.

Become a better Resident Advisor.

If you didn’t know, I’m a Resident Advisor here in a residence hall on campus. I really enjoy it, mostly for the people I meet and work with. While I do a fair job, and my job evaluation reflected that, I know I can do better. I know I can work harder to make a real community on my floor.

Blog more.

Yeah! I really like having this outlet to express myself. It’s just I tend to forget about it. My goal for the year is to post at least twice a day, in addition to the Daily Doodle, which is making a comeback I swear.