ð WHERE IS TYLER OAKLEY?!
ð Ohemgee cute therapists FTW/L? Haven’t figured that one out yet
ð This Rockstar addiction is probably going to give me a heart attack. Forseriously
ð Shopping always makes me feel better.
ð Home in less than 48 hours. Happiness.

Film: Slumdog Millionaire
Actor: Mickey Rourke
Actress: Kate Winslet
Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger
Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz
Director: Slumdog Millionaire
Special Effects: Iron Man

We’ll check back later to see how I did.

Update! I’m thrilled to report that I was wrong about Best Actor. But honestly, who would have seen that one coming?! Sean Penn absolutey deserved his award, and his speech was beautiful right up until the end there. Also, how the hell did I forget about Benjamin Button? The other films didn’t stand a chance. Anyway, 5/7 isn’t horrible.

Now that the obnoxiousness is over, I would like all of you to know that my camera (yes, that one) is on its way from Amazon’s magical factory of mechanical goodness.

OMG!!!!!!1111!!!11ONE

Before I begin can I tell you how absolutely, irrevocably, maddeningly, deeply, truly, painstakingly, adoringly, sickeningly in love I am with Taylor Swift? I bought her song “Love Story” on Thursday night and it has not stopped playing since. I love her. Please, please don’t tell Mariah.

The other day I was sitting in the dining hall with a group of friends (a group of other resident advisors, actually. It’s weird, when you become a resident advisor, suddenly all of your friends are RAs) and one of them was talking about her love life, and lamenting about being alone. Somehow the conversation turned to me and I mentioned Loverboy. She asked me, “You have a boo?” I stuttered for a moment, and said, “Yeah, I do.” Her reply? “Eff you” Then the Mistress chimed in, “What is your reluctance to claim him?” I didn’t have an answer for her then, but it’s been on my mind a lot.

Truth is, I am very reluctant to stake my claim. I recognize him as my person. (Person being my preferred term) And we do all the things that people in relationships do. Stupid phone calls that end in, “You hang up. No, you hang up!” But, I’m not wont to claim him. And it isn’t as if I haven’t been in relationships before. I’ve written a bit about the Ex. And I’ve had two other serious relationships. I don’t consider it a bad record; Four serious relationships within the three years I’ve been out. But somehow this one seems different. I once wrote about Loverboy in a note to the Mistress, and described him as “…perfect. The man I want to marry and adopt my Chinese kids with.” I wrote it offhandedly at the time. I think. I’m very exaggerated, always. But the words I wrote have stuck with me, for one reason or another. Committing to Loverboy in a permanent and real way would mean committing to what I consider my first adult relationship. He isn’t apt to play the “games” that I’m used to men (boys, really) playing. He’s very forward with not only what he expects out of me as a partner, but what I should expect out of him. It’s weird. He’s just so grown up. I know I’ve written about my (god, how cliche) fear of commitment, but it’s not the way you think. It’s not that I’m afraid to love him, or to commit. It’s that I’m afraid I’m moving too fast. In moving too quickly, I don’t want to artificially accelerate feelings that may not have developed naturally. Does that make any kind of sense?

I’ve been surrounded, my whole life, by family and friends that were so quick to jump from “I like him/her” to “I am in love with him/her” within the span of seven days. To me, love is something that unfurls naturally over a course of time. I guess you could say I don’t believe in love at first sight. It seems silly to me. Love is about more than that initial reaction, love is about the deepest kind of caring and compassion for every facet of another human being. It means embracing not only their dazzling smile, but their inability to put down the toilet seat. It’s everything, all at once.

I had a lot of friends in high school, and a great deal of the ones I’m referring to were GLBT ironically, that were so quick to declare their undying love for a person they’ve known for half a semester. And that seemed so weird to me. Didn’t they know? Didn’t they know they had to wait? Didn’t they know that you needed to date someone first, peel off that first layer, and then you get to the love part? How silly of them. Puppy love seemed revolting to me; It all seemed foreign to me. And that really hasn’t changed much. Lately, I’ve started to wonder why. Why do I feel like, as Mariah says, Love Takes Time. Would it really be so bad to be in love after a few short weeks? Is that even possible? Who’s permission am I waiting for?

I’ve been writing and editing this post for a while. The publish date is 7 Feb, but it’s really going up 11 Feb. On the 9th, I received a package from Loverboy here at school. It was Taylor Swift’s CD and a pack of cigarettes. He despises that I enjoy both. Enclosed was a note that said, “Your happiness is my world.” Fuck the wait.

I think an update on my mumsy is appropriate. Where we last left off dear reader, the Dragon Lady and I weren’t on the greatest terms. Well, I don’t know who the fuck spiked her morning tea, but when I came home for winter break, she was a completely different person. We had one heated discussion on the situation, and left it at that. In one fell swoop I had my car, credit card, and most importanty mother back. It was amazing. Of course now she owns my life because she took control of my credit card bill, which means my soul is forever hers. Greaaat. But other than that tiny detail, relations with my mumsy are well.

Thankfully, that means my mother has resumed her … quirky phone calls. See mumsy has the amazing knack for calling me at six in the morning on the few precious days I get to sleep in. It’s like…her talent. I don’t know. And if I don’t answer the phone, her immediate reaction is, “Why didn’t you answer? What are you doing? Why aren’t you up? What time did you go to sleep? Are you on drugs? Having unprotected sex? Ay, Dios Mio. Didn’t I raise you better than that! You’re in college to learn, not to fuck around.” I’m 99% certiain she’s joking, but you never know. Anyway, I say that thankfully these calls have returned because she says some of the craziest shit during our “special” phone calls. For instance, she told me that my father plans to marry the desperate hag he calls a girlfriend. Seriously, this woman has to work her way up to skank. Ugh. Anyway. She’s telling me all about how my father is in the same exact position he was in 20 years ago, and  how he hasn’t changed, and this new bimbo is making the same mistakes mumsy did. It’s all so sad. And then she goes, “I mean I’m sure she thinks she loves him, but she’ll learn.” And it was in that moment that I was like, My mom’s the shit. Go mom.

Haha. This is why I love Postcards From Yo Momma. Maybe I should submit it.

I want to love my major. Every single person around me seems to be so completely infatuated with their major that I can barely stand it. It seems like all of my decisions up until this very moment have been so pragmatic and out of utility. I became a psychology major because I understand psych and it would lead me toa lucrative career later in life. My cousin, for instance, just because a freaking Superintendent and her course of study is the one mine is currently modeled after. She’s going to make so much money it’s not even funny. She gives cars as gifts, it’s sickening. Oh, she’s 34. But she loves psych, she loves what she does.

I look at other women in my life. the Besite and the Mistress. the Bestie’s main concern is choosing a major that will make her money. She doesn’t even like what she studies. Not a single course. She changes her major the way you and I change panties. Everyday she calls me and tells me how much she detests school and can’t wait for it to be over so she can make her money. Money, money, money. That’s all that keeps her going. Then I look at the Mistress. It isn’t my place to tell you what her major is, but suffice it to say that most people look at it and their immediate reaction is, “What are you going to do with that?”

But you know what? She loves her major. Classes aren’t a chore, because it’s like they were made specifically for her. I want that.

The funny thing is I can have it. I’m absolutely in love with the Media Studies major. It’s like everything I’ve ever cared about all rolled into one pretty course of study. But it’s one of those majors where it isn’t immediately obvious the post-graduate jobs open to you.

So, I’m stuck. Do I stay with psych? Do I apply for advertising like I originally planned, hope I get in and still study something I’m not completely in love with?

Or, do I apply to switch into Media Studies, fucking love what I study, and rest a little less easy about my future?

Le sigh.

(Outside of “Great Moments” I don’t like to dump pics/videos/whatever without comment, but this was so delicious to me, probably because like every other fourth grader in 1998 I was obssed with Pokemon, I couldn’t help but pass it along.)

(NSFW)